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Don't Be Your Own Worst Enemy

By Stephen H. Baum SM '64

Photo: ©iStockphoto.com/Viorika Prikhodko

You can improve your life by taking control of self-defeating thoughts, feeling and behaviors. That is the thesis underlying Cognitive Behavior Therapy, founded by Dr. Albert Ellis, who died last month at age 93.

Ellis helped thousands of people do just that in his weekly seminars. He practiced what some have called talk therapy. As Michael Kaufman says in his obituary article¹: "His [Ellis'] basic message was that all people are born with a talent 'for crooked thinking,'² or distortions of perceptions that sabotage their innate desire for happiness. But he recognized that people also had the capacity to change themselves."

As for myself, it would have been enough for me to take the advice of my barber, Mike Guerreri, who retired at almost 80 years of age and who had had governors, senators, CEOs, and other celebrities in his chair in Greenwich, CT, over the years. He told me that negative thoughts weigh too much, use too much energy, and damage only the person who has them. He urged me to drop them as soon as possible and do something positive to make sure they were gone.

But Dr. Albert Ellis built an entire science around this hopeful approach to happiness. Taking issue with Freud's focus on childhood neuroses, which Ellis termed another phrase for whining, he urged action to deal with them. My interviews with more than two dozen CEOs³ persuade me that the most successful leaders know the importance of actively overcoming self-defeating attitudes. It is one of the keys to their confidence to embrace risks. It is what enables them to take self-doubt out of the weighing of risks, to transcend it, and take calculated risks.

What brought Ellis to this belief and to exhibit it in his own behavior? You have only to examine a set of shaping experiences in his early years. At age 19 and essentially on his own (both parents gave him little of their time and attention), he was shy and feared any encounter with a female. Unsure of his ability to speak in public even with an audience of one, especially if female, he forced himself to complete a test: he would occupy a park bench and speak with no fewer than 130 women before ending the experiment.

"Thirty walked away immediately," he said in a New York Times article according to Kaufman. I "talked with the other 100, for the first time in my life, no matter how anxious I was. Nobody vomited and ran away. Nobody called the cops." This was one of the ten archetypal shaping experiences of the CEOs I interviewed: "Getting good on your feet. " It was also a second one: "Swimming in water over your head," where you take a risk at something for which you are clueless. Ellis faced his fear of speaking to females and took control of the negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors not just by introspection, but through action.

The rest is history. Though he got only one date as a result of his time on the bench, he did decades of public speaking, including a weekly seminar with a live audience. And he is credited with one of the greatest contributions to the field of psychology.

Ordinary people become extraordinary leaders by the accumulation of shaping experiences in their lifetime. Some are presented by serendipity, others are created by the people themselves. Even in mid-career, at work, and in your community, it is not too late to pursue exceptional personal growth to be all you can be. It is a lot more than a U.S. Army recruiting slogan.

Notes

¹"Psychology Giant Albert Ellis Dies," by Michael T. Kaufman, The New York Times, July 25, 2007
²Refers to warped thinking, not ethics.
³ What Made jack welch JACK WELCH: How Ordinary People Become Extraordinary Leaders, Random House (Crown Business Books) by Stephen H. Baum with Dave Conti, August 21, 2007. Visit my Web site and blog for excerpts.

About the Author Stephen H. Baum has been an advisor and coach to CEOs for more than 20 years, first as a partner with Booz Allen & Hamilton, then as an independent practitioner. His new book, What Made jack welch JACK WELCH: How Ordinary People Become Extraordinary Leaders (2007), based in part on interviews with more than two dozen CEOs, reveals the pattern of ten archetypal shaping experiences responsible for the exceptional personal growth of successful business leaders. He also hosts Inside the CEO, a leadership series recorded at Baruch College (CUNY) consisting of a CEO interview and unscripted student Q&A about the life experiences that prepared leaders to lead, and has taught classes in leadership development. He holds a BS from Princeton University, an SM in chemical engineering from MIT, and an MBA from Harvard Business School.

Published August 2007

What Matters is a guest opinion column written by a different MIT alumnus or alumna each month. The views expressed in What Matters are entirely those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Association or of MIT. For previous columns, please see the archives. Would you like to contribute a What Matters column?
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